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"Where I can clear my mind of my miseries and to shine the joys of my life" [entries|friends|calendar]
Joan Swenden

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There's an app for that! [Sunday
March 3rd, 2013 @ 1:31am]
[ mood | good! ]

haha! i can update my shit now!!! haaha! thank god for wifi and smartphones... LOL!


Show your pride

August 31st, 2009 @ 12:20pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I haven't written in here in a long time. Once I have solid computer access I would love to start using this on the regular... but for now its sparatic updates.

For those who don't know, I'm moving in a few days. To start my life with my fiancee. I'm moving up to Rhode Island for a couple weeks. Why? Because I haven't seen Cassy in almost 2 months. It's driving me crazy. I miss her so much. Its like MOST of me is missing. And it's not cool... But after those couple weeks I'm moving to Texas.

Cassy's best frined lives down there in the Dallas/ Plano area and there are a lot of job opporunities, especially for cooks so I'm going to sink my teeth into something real out there. That and start my future with Cassy.

I'm anxious. This has GOT to be love, if i'm willing to make a move like this. I'm nervous. Very, very nervous, but it's amping me up. It's like the more nervous I get, the more excited I get, the more excited I get, the more I just want to take this ticket and use it already.

I can't wait to be with Cassy. I see nothing but good things for us. It's going to be rough. The bad is going to outweigh the good sometimes, but we are both tough head strong women. If we really want this, we can do it, no problem!

I'm sooo amped!

Show your pride

Weekend [Saturday
March 31st, 2007 @ 12:33pm]
I had a fun time yesterday....

I got so much to do today...

This is a very eventful weekend...

3 Show your pride

The Struggle of a College Student [Wednesday
March 28th, 2007 @ 7:15pm]
I'm sore...

I've been going all day... Didn't go to math today, went to english, which went by rapid quick, chilled with people, took a nap after the gym, showered, and now feel oddly refreshed, like I can stay up all night...Dammit, now that I just said that, i'm probably going to stay up all night :/ ugh....
Show your pride

March 27th, 2007 @ 3:53pm]
Science was the two longest hours of my life... i'm so glad to be out of class...

I went to the gym, played hack, and now im here at the computer lab, chillin, listening to music, checking e-mail, myspace, all that crap...it's amazing that I neglect some of the things I have online for less than 24 hours and I end up having piles upon piles of messages and stuff... Heh.. I guess I'm popular.. w/e...

I can't wait to go hame for easter.. I need to see my family... It's been a while... When I lived in CT, I was used to seeing everyone at least once a week, if not, more... Besides that, I want to see my friends, well whom I can see in a period of three days... But I definitly keeping a time slot back home open...:)
2 Show your pride

Song: "My Outer Shell" [Monday
March 26th, 2007 @ 6:14pm]
Passive agressiveness
Piles and piles of stress
Not needed, not right now

Still I keep marching on
Acting like nothing's wrong
What makes me manage it, I don't know how

You know i can keep pretending
It don't bother me
But you're so dense, you're so blind
That you can't see

It rips my heart out
That someone other than me
Can keep you happy... ...
It tears me up inside
But still I have to hide
That I'm not the one for you
And still you can't see through
My Outer Shell

Biding all my time
Hoping to make you mine
Won't happen, anytime soon

Finding out from someone else
Leaving me on a shelf, no
On a string, like i don't, mean a thing



My outer shell is hard
My Outer shell is cold
I guess that's what I deserve
For being bold

I let you in and you
Destroyed what's left of me
Closing you out from now on
Won't let that be...


It didn't work out too well
No one pcked me up when I fell
But I'll be fine, but you can't tell
Because of My Outer Shell
Because of My Outer Shell


You see what happens when you people watch? written March 26 2007
Show your pride

Pics..finally [Monday
March 26th, 2007 @ 10:59am]
Ugh... I don't want to go to class....

Anyways! I'm tired... I put up new pics recently, figured I share...

x-posted in ikissgirls...

Collapse )
4 Show your pride

Quiz [Sunday
March 25th, 2007 @ 6:05pm]

Take My Quiz on

Can you Ace my quiz?
Let's Find Out!

I want to know how well all y'all know me... This is a challenge!
Show your pride

Skew You [Sunday
March 25th, 2007 @ 4:09pm]
Sometimes I get skewed on my mental path... There's so many things I think all at once, that it throws me off track on the main goal that I'm trying to complete at the time... PROCRASTINATION...UGH...I'm sick of writing about steak...

I want to lock myself up in my room with all of my favorite CD's and write for like a month straight... NOT ABOUT STEAK....
Show your pride

Phone... [Friday
March 23rd, 2007 @ 3:12pm]
I got my phone fixed yet again...

Pshh.. Pain in my ass...

Anyway, I want to write, but I have a mental block or something... I have plenty of inspiration, but all the words are discombobulated in my mind... and its frustrating...

Ugh... It's like I want to tell something to someone, and I can't find the words.. My writing homegirls know what I'm talking about...

Show your pride

SHIT...(So Happy It's Thursday...) [Thursday
March 22nd, 2007 @ 8:45am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

I'm sooo happy it's thursday.. I need this weekend... It feels like I've been in classrooms FOREVER!!! Granted it's only 4 day weeks here, they are sooooo dammmn looong.... I'm looking forward to next weekend especially... :)

Show your pride

Cheesey news music [Tuesday
March 20th, 2007 @ 6:33pm]
Is there any news you would like to report Joan?


I've been sitting on this computer for damn near 6 hours supposevely doing my english paper and my food safety and sanitation...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I havent done neither...

I stare blankly at the notebook that contains the 6 paragraph essay about the first time I went to American Steakhouse... I love to write, but not necessarily about steak... I sit here waiting for my friends to show up and yell at me... Wanting their president to get up and smoke pot...ugh... don't want to... I choose to wait to talk to someone :)....
2 Show your pride

Fuck certain People [Friday
March 9th, 2007 @ 11:44pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I'm chillin @ My friend Dolph's place with him and D... I have a little anger issue at the moment...

Let's start, shall we?

Natasha- This girl was mad chill until she became a pity case and takes advantage of all her friends, stealing shit, and well, just being around too much... she got dropped from the university this past week cuz she couldn't afford it... now she's living off of Dolph's roomates, and just being a pain in everyone's ass....

Maria- I had a crush on this chick for so long, UNTIL... I found out she's now dating this nasty guy... and she has ignored me since I told her I liked her in the beginning of January... I've made attempts to talk to her, but she is, well, ridiculous... so now we don't even acknowledge that we exsist... and what pissed me off, not the fact that she's bi, but the fact that 1. She's changed, everytime she's on campus, she's miserable, but she say's she's happy...bull-SHIT!!! 2. She abandoned her best friend to spend massive amounts of time with this guy, and we started hanging out, and I guess she got jealous... WHATEVER! 3. I lost all respect for her, well before I found out she's dating this guy....Why? Because she didn't have the balls to tell me that she didn't like me like that... She said "Ok," and "I don't know," and "Let me think about it" I think a month was plenty of time... that's when my aggravation with her started, now, she's on my shit list...

O fucking well...


2 Show your pride

Whoo Spring Break!!!! [Thursday
February 22nd, 2007 @ 10:14pm]

I'm stuck on the campus of Johson and Wales University for my first college spring break... somewhat by choice...

I mean i'm cool with staying, but it's sooo damn boring!!!!!!

I sure as hell don't want to go home, but i don't want to stay here either... Classes have been officially out for about 3 hours and the dorm is empty empty...

Show your pride

my extracurricualr actvities [Tuesday
February 20th, 2007 @ 4:51pm]
I fell asleep at like 10 o' clock last night i didn't get up until 1:55 this afternoon...
Missed class...
Oh well...

Anyway with all my free time i've just accquired for the day figure i'd update...

But nothing has gone on...
Just the ususal...


I have a sorority on campus(it's a fake one, chill!) it's called Phi Omega Tao or POT...all we do? Smoke pot! We meet up once in a while and go to our little spot that's secluded from the campus and chill...Whose the president? Yours truly :)


Breakfast club! Once or twice a week I stay up all night with 3 other people and discuss funny, sexual, and personal shit...then we go to breakfast, we ARE...The Breakfast Club...

That would be all...

Signing out...
1 Show your pride

D+??? THANK GOD!!! [Thursday
February 15th, 2007 @ 12:03am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Again, I haven't posted in a while...



Anyways, NOW FOR THE NEWS!!!



Seriously though... I got a D+ in my last class... you think, shit, that's horrible, I think YES! Why? Because Mr. Fuchs(yes, that's his name, no spell check needed) is the most ruthlessly strict professor on campus... and on the last day, the words he said to me, cut through me like a butter knife through...uhh...butter... yeah... but really, if he said those words on day 1, i would've done so much better in his class...

He said...

"The first words I had you guys write down in your note book (MOTIVATION) is what's gonna make you or break you... If you don't have motivation behind what you do, it preety much means nothing... I don't follow the rules by the book because I'm told to by the school, because they're third on my list... The first motivation? My Mother...

"My mother passed away in 1988 at the age of 55, relatively young age... I do what I have to do, you know why? Because my mother would want me to... I set high standards because my mother would've wanted me to... I do what I can to make her proud...No one can do that but me...

At that point I started to cry in class...

"You guys are growing up... The reason why I'm so strict and set my standards higher that some of the professors here is so that you can function in society on your own...Pretty soon you might not have mom or dad or whomever you have be there, it's life, we all live and die, but when that time comes, can you make it on your own? Can you carry your name with pride? Can you say you made your parents or relatives proud?

"My  number one motivation is my mother, the second one is myself, third is the school....The school sets these rules and I obey them and there's no reason for you not to... You knew coming into this school that we have the higher standard, and for some reason it's slacking off...Some students, and even fellow faculty members think it's unfair I push the students too hard, and you know what, it's for that purpose... This is what life's all about... You break rules, there's consequences...

My last day of his class was Friday... I checked out my grade last night and the D+ showed on the screen... I was relieved..I thought I wasn't going to survive in this guy's class...But all that negetivity I heard about him was such bull shit... he's a good guy...

I went to him today to talk to him about what he said to me...I thanked him for meeting with me and told him this...

"What you said on the last day of class, about motivation, really hit home for me... you see, I lost my mom when I was 15 and she was 39... and my father, well, I haven't talked to him in over a year, and i'm doing the college thing on my own...I consider my mom my #1 motivation and looking back at my other classes, and seeing how I've performed, It's not up to my real standard, like, I know I can doing so much better, but I feel there's a mental block..."
He said...well, sort of ish in a nutshell
"That's a young age to lose your mother, and as for your father, it's a shame that you two don't get along for whatever reason, but you've got to truck on, you're still here, and you've come this far, so keep pushing yourself, and it's hard to raise your standards on your own... You just need to keep pushing yourself, and you're #1 motivation is your mother...make her proud...and you're #2? Should be your father, even if you don't get along, your his child, and no matter what you got to make him proud..."

I went to class feeling more motivated than I have in a long time... I've set some preety steep goals for myself and it's going to be tricky... But with the advice that Mr. Fuchs gave me... I will carry that in my mind forever...

4 Show your pride

December 3rd, 2006 @ 4:10am]
[ mood | crappy ]


Anyways... Im in a shitty mood... Corrine cheated on me and i dont know if i should break up with her or not...

It should be common sense that I should, bnut I feel different about the situatuon for some reason... i dont know what i should do...

9 Show your pride

Ugh.,. [Friday
November 17th, 2006 @ 1:38am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Again, its been a while since i've posted... Im coming home to CT on sunday with my girlfriend... Yeah that's right... GIRLFRIEND!.... I haven't had one since the whorable expirience with Amy... that was well over nine months ago...why havent I had a girlfriend? Well...

I'm busy...
I haven't had time to do anything really social as of late (except smoke)... but projects every week, and final exams every nine days... grr....its sort of what ive signed up for.. and im willing to deal... and ironing my uniform every night... and trying to get my job situation dealt with... I'm getting a job with McCormick and Schmick's which is a growing restaurant chain...real good food, not McDonald's...lol... sort of like Carmen Anthony's, but bigger, and it's a seafood resturant... they're opening at least 50 new restaurants nationwide by 2010,a dn they want to recruit me, train me and ship me off to one of them new restaurants once I graduate or possibly stay here in Providence.... I like it here, though dorm life is preety rough....

I haven't thought about it....REALLY
The dates I've gone out on weren't because i was pressing to find one... they asked me out... I just didnt care... i'd have fun, get attached sort of and have it explode in my face, so i got used to rejection... so blah...

So abut this new girl in my life... Her name is Corrine... She's from Vermont... She lives in Vermont, which imposes on us seeing each other whenever we want...Yeah I know...I was the one that always said LDR's never work, but so far so good... 3 hours away... and how did you meet? Well, my friend down here Meg hooked us up unintentionnaly... They're best friends.. and Corrine saw me outside waiting with Meg and she told Meg I was cute... well, she came back down about a month later and she slept in my room(no sex)and we got real familliar... After hours of talking on the phone... we together...

She's conming down today and im excited....


3 Show your pride

Gah! [Tuesday
October 10th, 2006 @ 11:45am]
[ mood | awake ]

I'm exausted....

I don't know what was worse about the weekend, walking an hour home from the club and getting sick, having all these glorious parents around me or getting yelled at from my roomates... ugh...

I walked home from the club because i sort of jumped to a conclusion...? when well... well, i shouldn't have? ... I met up with this girl i went on a date with earlier in the week and made an ass out of myself... she said she only wanted to be friends, and me being drunk as hell took it as a "you hate me" and walked an hour back to my dorm crying...yeah...THAT DRUNK... I feel like an ass... I told her that I couldnt talk to her and about 20 minutes into talking to Sam, I wrote her a message on myspace telling her that I had alot to say...she didn't write back, but she did e-mail me on my true account in which im going to cancel...meh...

Same days, different attitude, it was either you went back home for the weekend or you had your family come and visit you...i was one out of probably 5 peoplewho didnt have either happen... I was sort of upset in the beginning... it was lie i want to go home and visit my family and have some homemade food...that gto shot down and it was my fault...i forgot to call them sooner and I would've had plans to have gotten picked up...grr...whatever...

Yep, my roomates yelled at me and my other roomate who didnt go home because the room was a mess and some of their food was gone... I really had no control over the food situation and for them saying I made a mess? Well I cleaned the room Sunday afternoon and by sunday night it was a mess again with the other roomates shit... there were dirty bowls on the microwave, blah, blah, blah...but it seems like they're not talking to me? I don't know I'm getting that vibe...

Yeah this weekend was so much fun!


3 Show your pride

girls? nah... [Tuesday
October 3rd, 2006 @ 12:07pm]
[ mood | light bulb's on... ]

I've been having alot of shit on my mind lately... people have been driving me crazy...either they're morons or they're out to really terrorize me..I mean im not getting picked on or anything like that, but SOME people.... Im not mentioning any names, like they can read this anyway because no one here knows what the fuck an LJ is, but some people drive me insane...

One person is this umm... girl...Do you ever have that person who flirted with you, hooked up with you, then sort of dint talk to yuo the same? Isn't fucking strange? I dont know what to do about the situation....

Another is...uhhhh..another girl...and well, she's straight...that shouldn't be a problem, right? well, heh, it is.... she flirts with me like fucking the end of the world is coming.... GAH!!! AND SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND..................................

Girls drive me crazy....

THEN... This couple messaged me on my facebook asking me if i want to have fun with them... uhh... I dont know what the fuck to say to that! I mean, hey, I'd like a threesomme, but I dont know if i can handle it yet, considering I havent had a realtionship in a long time...

I dont even know if i want a realationship yet... I mean, I miss the feeling of being with someone, but, you know... I'M HAVING SHITLOADS OF FUN!!! ~but~ The bitches giving me stress...~but~ IM NOT TIED DOWN ~buuuuuuut~~ GAH..I dont fucking know...

4 Show your pride

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